Palladium – Chapter 13

I’m still off my groove. (“Beware the groove.”)

I do feel the mojo coming back though. It was just tired. The rest has given me some time to really think about the structure of what I’m doing. (Okay, going all out like I was had some insanity to it.) It’s strange and I’m still in the middle of it, so I don’t think I can talk about it right now. At least not that part.

But, I am thinking… well, again, it’s hard because I’m in the middle of it and I don’t know what my life will look like when I come out the other end of this tunnel I’m currently walking through. However, I write a lot. I enjoy being prolific. I would love to run more fiction here on my blog. I’m thinking about adding another story or two. I worry about keeping up with the pace, but if I’m only releasing 200-300 words at a time on a story and I only start releasing it as I’m getting toward the end of a story, it would allow me to share so much more here.

That’s one thing I’d like to do. Your thoughts?

I also would like to get back to my comics. I miss them, and I want to build up more for FanX this September. Should I even talk about my kid’s books.

Along this same like, I want to paint more.

I have a four-legged stool I’m trying to build (writing, painting, illustration, and narration).

While working full-time, I seem only to reliably be able to do two of these things at a time. For more than 200 days, I chose writing and narration. I got a lot done. But I never feel complete if I’m only working on two of the four. No, I just feel frustrated.

Then I start to wonder if I’m not actually living life, but rather just being he mule carrying the load up the hill all the time. Okay, well at least I can express that part. See, there are so many other auxiliary things that go into each of the four legs of my stool (editing, cover design, publishing, print-making, varnishing, cataloging, listing for sale online and off which include shows and writing up listings, mastering and editing audio, bookkeeping, exploring new opportunities, etc.) that each of these really gets lost. Now that’s where the frustration really builds.

I know, some would say that I need to hire someone to help me. I don’t think it’s with this area that I need to find someone to help me. Besides, my son already cooks and takes care of the pets for me. What I need is a housekeeper, and maybe someone to do some of the yard work — though I do enjoy mowing my own lawn with my push mower — it’s a good workout. Oh, and speaking of which, I can’t hire someone do exercise for me. So, this is something that yes, I need to look at, but it only works if I’ve got steady work for someone. Besides, there’s so much that I still have to do myself at least in regards to the art.

I bought a course a couple years ago on productivity and I do attribute it to how much I’ve been able to get done. Now that the mojo is rounding back (and you see some of the thoughts rumbling around in my head), I’m planning on going through the course again; this time with the auxiliary things in mind so that I can figure out how to get all those to work. This morning during my meditation, I realized how I need to structure that: not on a per day basis like the course teaches you, but rather on a per week basis. The more I think about this, the more I feel as if it will work well.

Thanks for listening to me babble. If nothing else, I hope it helps someone out there who also has these jumbled, rambling thoughts to realize they are not alone.

Well, wish me luck because that’s what I’m going to start on later today.

Let’s get you to the story.

Previously: The novihomidrak, Cirvel, heads through a festival on his way to meet up with an old “friend” who has a map that Cirvel needs. The friend, Sapere Imor, isn’t happy to see Cirvel and tries to persuade Cirvel with other temptations. Irritated with not getting his answers, Cirvel seals Imor into a genie lamp. A ninja steps from the shadows and steals away the lamp containing Imor, leaving Cirvel holding only air. He returns to the shrine to discuss the situation with the Grand Sapere, who demands to take it to the Dragon Council. Cirvel knows the Council will take far too long to come to a decision. Cirvel decides to act on his own. Returning to the market, he hopes to see the woman who had taken his lamp. He finds her and but she’s not quite ready to get down to business. At least not the kind he wants to discuss. When she does give him a chance to explain, he tells her that what he has trapped in the lamp is not a genie and that she won’t be able to use the lamp irregardless because she’s not the rightful owner. She bargains with him: help in exchange for the genie lamp. He asks her why she needs a genie. She replies that she needs a powerful trap. Treshauna then takes him to the meeting house for the ninjas to meet their leader, Drelin. Cirvel pulls Imor out of the lamp to prove that Imor is not genie — just a human. But Drelin learns that Cirvel is the genie. Cirvel “convinces” Imor to reveal to him the location of a place known as Alexander’s Den. Now that Cirvel has what he wants, the ninjas are ready to go on their mission. Before traveling the Wells of the Onesong, Cirvel needs to make one stop at the shrine first. Cirvel gets the coordinates for where they are traveling and he heads out. Meeting up with the ninjas, they take to hiding within his shadow. They go through the Wells, but as soon as they come out on the other side, they discover something is waiting for them. Blindsided, Cirvel gets severely injured.


Cover and layout copyright © 2019 by Morning Sky Studios
Cover design by Dawn Blair/Morning Sky Studios
Cover art copyright © Rodjulian | Dreamstime.com, ©
Xneo | Dreamstime.com, and © Gualtiero Boffi| Dreamstime.com

Palladium

Chapter 13

by Dawn Blair

Cirvel tugged himself toward the Wells. Blinding pain, fear, and spewing blood helped sharpen his focus toward getting away. He felt like his eyes were crossed and he couldn’t see straight.

Damaged beyond repair.

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What happened?

Let’s chat, shall we?

Let me start by saying that I’m trying an experiment and moving the free fiction to Friday. I want to see if it has better results there. (catch last week’s now) Not going to lie. This is all about the exposure. Me running the free fiction does no good if only a few people are reading it. I want more eyes on it.

If you were looking for my progress blog that I usually run on Monday and didn’t see it, you’re not imagining things. I didn’t run it. I had originally thought that it would be a way of me being publicly accountable, and I still like that idea, but I’m not sure anyone really cares. I thought someone might be interested in seeing how all gets done in my life and the incremental baby steps it takes. I had hoped that it would inspire others. Instead, I feel as if it didn’t have the intended effect. I also didn’t come back to review it like I thought I would.

Feeling like no one really cared culminated with other factors (cold, snow, gray skies, working many hours, little sleep, and a desperate need for sunshine) into a massive depression for me. Massive.

I don’t like talking about my depression or admitting that I have it. I’ve seen others with depression and mine is very mild comparatively. Usually I can resolve mine by getting more sleep. Not this time. I had the stupid little voices working away in my head and they wouldn’t leave me be. I began to feel destructive. Worse, I couldn’t cry. I felt as if I could vent with tears, things might be okay.

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Progress – March 4, 2019

I keep having imaginary conversations with myself. I really hate that because it’s such a time waster, which is not something I can afford right now. But, my mind keeps regurgitating things.

Dumb primitive animal brain!

Dumb things that I am forced to think about, things I want to say, things I don’t know that I should speak.

Grr! It’s irritating.

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Nebula on a hexagon

My six-sided painting. I was pretty excited to find this canvas. I knew immediately that I wanted to do a space painting on this. Once I felt ready, I painted the canvas black. The picture above shows it all prepared and ready.

My first layer:

It’s hard not to block a painting in like this and not absolutely hate it and fear that it’s been messed up. But, the painting must continue.

Here’s the next layer:

Now we’re getting some of the misty cloudiness into the piece.

In the next layer, the stars start to shine:

More layers come next, more stars, and adding some of the black of space back in. Finally we end up with this:

There was a point at which I really messed everything up. I didn’t grab my phone to take a picture though; I knew my paint was drying quickly. That probably returned the fun to this painting. I’d started to take it too seriously and quit having fun with it. In causing a catastrophe on the canvas and knowing I had little time to fix it, I had to attack it with courage and release everything. Believe me, at the time I really wasn’t sure I’d be saving it. It was extremely hard to release the fear. Words make it sound so easy, but at the time it was horrible. I instantly projected myself into the future where I had to paint the canvas black once more to restart and regretted the past where I wished I hadn’t touched it so much. I was everywhere but the present.

Grounding yourself with courage puts you firmly in the moment. There’s an obstacle that must be overcome and only by stepping forward can this obstacle be hurdled.

This painting could have easily gone the other way where I did have to go through the future of repainting it that I had imagined. However, I’m glad I kept working it and gave myself the chance.

As my friend, J.D. Estrada, said a few days ago on an Instagram post, “Self doubt is an option, but so is believing in yourself.”

This weekend, believe in yourself.

Happy adventuring!

The choice is yours

This blog comes about because of a post I saw on Facebook. I’m posting a clip of it below without any names.

Simple enough until a Debby Downer had to comment that these was words of hope until the darkness smothered you. I am paraphrasing, but barely. I was tempted to leave a comment, but couldn’t bring myself to.

I woke the next morning with this still ruminating through my mind.

I am not immune to the events of the world. Were I to be completely honest, I would admit my extreme dislike of humanity. I’ve spoken this aloud a few times, to which those around me delight in reminding me that I am human. A flaw in my character, believe me.

But I write because I want to have hope. Note that I didn’t say that I had hope, but rather that I want hope.

I do like several person on this planet we call home and cannot escape. But, I write to hang out with people who are champions and take on mantles that lead others into better lives. I write so that I can show people how to have courage, how they can choose to be better.’

The more I thought about this, the more I remembered that we all have choices. I usually say that in conjunction with people doing something that they want to do: write, paint, dance, sew, cook, whatever their talent is that they want to follow. But we have choices in our entire life.

I personally think that Debbie Downer is watching far too much news and hanging on every bad thing that happens in the world. Most people do. Now, I’m not advocating being uninformed, but I am saying, “Turn off the news!” When you listen to the talking heads (and that is just what they are), you pick up on their emotions. Those emotions influence what you are feeling along with their words. It imprints you, and usually negatively because good news doesn’t sell. Only misfortune gets ratings. So turn that crap off.

Then, when you read the headlines in the newspaper, as yourself if you want to bring that energy into your life or not. When you see a story about a girl being killed when hit by a truck, is that really something you want to spend your energy on? It’s not going to bring the girl back. Her family feels miserable. The driver of the truck, we hope, feels guilty and terrible. But it doesn’t change the situation. Do you really need to know more than the headline? Probably not. Why let it tap your energy any more? Make the choice to move along. Go read the story about Toys for Tots needing more donations. That’s actually something you might be able to help out with, to make a difference.

The Hermit use to be one of my least favorite cards of the Tarot, and one I got quite frequently. Then one day I read a great description in one of the books with a new deck I’d gotten. It talked about The Hermit, solitary, holding his light up for the world to see. He was a beacon, choosing to be alone, an individual of his own thoughts and actions. Someone could look upon him and his light and see a life worth living. He walks in the world, but does not let it taint him. Since then, I have taken that to heart and that is how I have chosen to live my life.

I might be human, but I am striving to be The Hermit. I want to be the reflection of what I wish to see in the world.

I don’t always succeed. I am, after all, human.

That won’t stop me from trying.

I realize I’m in charge of my choices. Every day, every moment. I can’t control the energy of others, but I know that I am responsible for my own happiness. Instead of concentrating on outside factors that I cannot control, I will focus on myself and what I can do.

This is my mission for 2019. I’d love for anyone brave enough to read this blog to join me. I may only be one, but I will be a light. If you join me, we make two. Maybe a third will join us, then a fourth. Be strong. Be love. Be the light.

It might be just what someone else needs.

A Day for Giving Thanks

Here in the states, we are celebrating Thanksgiving today.

I know I have readers from many different countries, so today I would like to share my Thanksgiving with all of you, whether you are in the U.S. or not.

I certainly have many things to be grateful for.

Thank you for being a reader of my blog, my Twitter, my Facebook, my newsletter, or however you find me. Thank you for following me. Pure and simple.

Happy

Thank you to those of you who like and share what you read.

Thank you for your comments, whether they have been on my blog or to me via email or spoken.

Thank you for letting me share with you the things I find and believe entertaining or helpful. It delights me when I can share things I’m a fan of too.

Thank you for allowing me to not be perfect. I certainly never claimed to be and I’m glad I can fix forward.

Thank you for letting me share my stories and thoughts. Thank you for being there on my adventures. Thank you for sharing a moment in time with me on this small world. I hope that some of what I do (especially in my blog) entertains and occasionally makes you laugh.

Thank you for being with me through trying times and through my successes. Thank you for listening to me talk to myself sometimes, giving my pep talks, and hoping that others might find encouragement from them.

Thank you. This day, I celebrate you.

Glad to be a creator

This is now the fifth time I’ve started this blog post. The writing is not coming easily today and emotions are getting in the way.

I wish to send my thoughts to Stan Lee’s family and friends. While I never actually had the chance to meet him, my son ran into him several times at conventions. I would like to think that we would’ve gotten along quite well, both of us being creators and all.

I am thankful that I get to be a creator. Even on days when the writing isn’t going well. I know this too will pass. It, more than likely, is actually a stalling period right before a major idea strikes. Pregnant women often talk about how the baby stops moving right before it’s born, as if the child is conserving energy. Well, that didn’t happen with either of mine that I recall, but I know it happens with ideas. Usually there is a short time where I feel lacking all creativity. Then, suddenly, BANG! The story is out of the gate.

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